I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
