Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
