He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
