I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
