Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
