just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My life is pants optional.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
