Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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