I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
