forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
