Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They took my balls.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
