I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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