I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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