I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
