I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
