My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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