She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
