I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
