it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
