..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
