The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
