I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
