if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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