if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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