my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
