I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
