i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
