I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
