New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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