A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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