Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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