Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
