According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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