I can text with my tongue
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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