just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
