Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
