he told me I talked like a deaf person
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
