Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
