there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
