I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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