Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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