HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You can't special order awesome
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
