I wanna passion pit in your ass
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
me + whiskey = a bad person
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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