Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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