She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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