All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
