i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I need a beard to bite.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
