i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
pray to the hookup gods
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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