I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
