so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
