im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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