I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
