bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
BRING THE BAGELS
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
