the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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