dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
