at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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