As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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