may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
