Got a toothbrush?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
