Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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